Had a quick business trip to LA on Monday. It occurred to me that my 24-hour California blitz was not all that different from one of those hollywood young guns. Here’s my story.

Stars are always at the center of the action. Took off on my crowded 4-hour outbound in my middle seat in coach.

Stars get chauffeured around town. My shuttle was waiting too.
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They have sweet rides. Got my Monte Carlo, baby. Keys inside.
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Stars stay penthouse. Checked into my top-floor hotel room – “preferred” guests only.
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Stars don’t wait for weekends, either. Went out on the town Monday night with the star of Fascination Streak, Howard, and tried some local brews near his hood. Stars are name-droppin’ jet setters – I mentioned that the bar reminded me of Park Bar in NYC.

Stars are demanding. Kicked off the next morning requesting a razor from the hotel. Didn’t even use it. Snap!
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Stars wear power shirts, sports jackets and dark shades. Check.

Stars drink coffee. Met my partner in crime at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in Santa Monica. It’s the coffee shop chain of the stars and regular setting for US Weekly paparazzi (apparently).
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Stars drink coffee with other stars. Kevin James followed us in.
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Stars always do lunch. Talked business over pasta in Pasadena.
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Stars drive the famous LA super highways. Negotiated traffic … like a star.
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Gotta be a star in that Hummer.
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Stars get special treatment. Sweet talked my way onto an earlier flight on Tuesday afternoon.  Last seat.

Stars have no privacy. I wedged myself into another middle seat between two arm-rest-hogging men.

So, tough life being famous.  I know what you’re thinking. No autographs. I’m back in Big D.